Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Don't know what you ot 'til it's one...

You all probably already know this, but I'm in a Master's pro ram at BYU. To facilitate my learnin I had to purchase a laptop computer. I studied my options and compared prices (read: went to Office Max and said, "That one looks cool.") before purchasin the computer that would eventually carry me throu h rad school. I affectionately named my computer "Pam", an ana ram of the pro ram I was in (MPA).

However, it has not been all peaches and cream. The pro ram is difficult at times and my computer has, at times, been less than friendly. Immediately followin the first semester, the hard drive on my laptop decided it was done with school (wish I could say the same). Fortunately for me, Pam was warrantied and the nice folks at HP sent me a new hard drive lickity split so I could et back to my learnin . Pam’s name chan ed at that time to Pampire – a laptop risen from the dead.

There's a new problem, thou h. I noticed shortly after purchasin Pam that there was a key on the keyboard that liked to fall off. I was always able to put it back on and proceed on my way. But this time, thou h, the key has fallen off and I can't et it back on.

It's a ood thin my papers are done for the week. I'd have a heck of a time explainin to my professors why my paper has no letter " ".

Monday, September 14, 2009


Life is cyclical - things come and go. A few years ago, a serious recession started that has continued to this day. I'm not talking about the financial distress our nation finds itself in today; I'm talking about something far more important: my hair.

When I was born I had a little hair, but by the time I was toddling around I had beautiful tresses of light blonde hair. Life was good.

As I've aged, my hair has darkened. It went from toe-headed blonde to blonde to dark blonde to light brown to brown. Now, unfortunately, it's gone from brown to gone. As a result, I made the life-altering decision to shave my head. It's been over a year now since I made that decision and I haven't regretted it once. Something like this can really shake a person to their core and make them feel like they are seriously lacking in their life and they attempt to make up for it in interesting ways.

People will try to compensate for perceived inadequacies. Some people buy fancy sports cars or humongous pickup trucks in order to compensate for shortcomings (tee hee). Other people grow beards when they can't produce thick locks of golden blonde (or brown) hair. Apparently they think that by growing hair lower on their face it will somehow make up for a lack of it up on top. Weird, huh?

In many ways, my personal recession is something of a migration. You see, the hair that is was once on my scalp is starting to take up residence on my ears. MY EARS!! I thought that kind of craziness was reserved for old men, in which group I most certainly do not classify myself (right? right?? RIGHT?!?!).

The United States will eventually pull out of its recession. Some of us, however, won't be so fortunate. I guess we'll just have to resort to growing beards...and shaving ear hair.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Toothpaste terrorism

When traveling abroad in the United States, if you fly and carry your personal hygiene items in your carry-on bag, there are limitations to what you can carry. Apparently, liquids, gels, and pastes are forbidden substances, if they're not in a clear bag. Because the clear bag makes all the difference in the world when preventing a terrorist attack.

I had no idea that toothpaste was considered a dangerous substance, or a liquid. On a recent flight to Dallas, I had my hygiene items in my travel case, a Wal-Mart bag, and thought that was sufficient. I was wrong.

The top-notch, highly-trained and educated Homeland Security agency, the Transportation Security Administration, or TSA, screened my bag and then decided that it warranted further searching. One of their crack agents had noticed that I had an unsecured tube of toothpaste not in the clear plastic bags. My bag was searched and the offending tube was removed and the TSA agent eyed my warily, "This tube is larger than 3.4 ounces and you are not allowed to bring it on a flight."

Now, don't get me wrong, I appreciate that there are measures in effect to protect our nation and keep air travel safe, I really do - but toothpaste?! Maybe I should have done a science fair project where I blew something up using Crest Whitening Mint flavor paste instead of baking soda and vinegar. I probably would have gotten something more than just a "Participant" ribbon.

After further research, I found that toothpaste actually does contain an explosive ingredient - propylene glycol, which "becomes deadly when added to a mixture of concentrated nitric and sulfuric acids creating the liquid explosive called metriol trinitrate, which is similar to nitroglycerine."

For now, I use a mini-tube (3.4 ounces) of toothpaste, hoping to show the government that I am not in fact a terrorist, but rather a dentally concerned citizen. Maybe next time, TSA should be on the lookout for nitric and sulfuric acids instead of my toothpaste.