On my mind

I've had a lot of stuff on my mind lately...a whole lot of stuff. Where to start?

Not the least of the things on my mind was my heart. I had an echocardiogram today and it showed that my heart was very strong and healthy. Good news. I started having some chest pains while in Chicago on a vacation and when I returned, they did too. I saw a doctor on Monday and did an EKG and an x-ray, with mixed results. The EKG was ordered just to put the doc's mind at ease. After the EKG, he saw "several abnormalities" and it was sent to a cardiologist for review, while I saw anxiously in the doctor's office knowing something was up and not knowing what. The pat on my knee from the doctor and the promise to take care of me didn't set me at ease at all. If anything, it made me more nervous, what was wrong with me? Well, the cardiologist came back and said that everything was fine, but the doctor wanted an ECG to make sure. So, I did that today. I'm all good. Except, I still hurt sometimes. Dang heart.

To add to that, I found out that I'll be paying $400 to know that my heart is good. Wonderful. I also had to get my car safety/emissions tested and had to buy a new tire ($100) as a result. Then it cost me $150 to renew the registration. Yikes. When it rains, it pours. That's $650 out the door, just like that. Fortunately I can make payments on the ECG deal, although they did try to get me to pay it all today. I'm really glad I've learned over the last few years how to assert myself. A headlock and noogie are effective communication techniques to get medical collectors off your back. Just so you know...for future reference.

(Sigh) - it's just been one of those weeks. I'm reminded of one of my absolute favorite songs of all time, "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel. The reason this is one of my favorite songs is because of one line.

"In the clearing stands a boxer and a fighter by his trade, and he carries the reminders of every blow that laid him down or cut him til he cried out in his anger and his shame, 'I am leaving, I am leaving'...but the fighter still remains."

Sometimes I feel, like that boxer, ready to say "I am leaving, I am leaving" and walk away.

I'm still here.