Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Get in my belly!

I think I have a tapeworm.

What? That's not enough information for you? You really want to know more? Alright, you asked for it.

It all started yesterday morning. I'm not usually a breakfast eater. I have a fairly sensitive stomach, always have, and it doesn't like to get into gear soon after waking up. I usually will wait at least a couple hours after I'm up and moving before I will think about eating. Usually I just skip breakfast entirely and go straight to lunch. Although, since I've been working out this habit has been changing and I've been eating more often in the morning.

Well, I went to bed on Monday night shortly after eating a Beto's burrito. If you don't know what those are...they are monstrous burritos and will usually leave a person feeling pretty full. I've actually eaten two of them in a sitting. I wanted to die afterward though. That is entirely too much burrito for one person to consume on a given night. Anyhow, I ate one Monday night before I went to bed.

I woke up Tuesday morning absolutely starving. Eating preoccupied my mind. I could scarcely think of anything else. I was running late so I decided to wait until I got to work because I knew we had leftover food from a training the previous day. When I got to work I was right, there was food. I grabbed a couple donuts and hightailed it to my office to satisfy my hunger. I felt pretty good after eating them and thought I was on the right track. Well, it wasn't long before I was hungry again. I would have to wait until lunch this time though. When lunch finally rolled around I went to Burger King and got a big value meal.

I ate that and literally within two hours was famished again. I grabbed another donut. About thirty minutes later, after a meeting I was again feeling hungry. This isn't the normal hunger that I'm talking about. I was in serious pain and felt like I hadn't eaten in days. I don't get this hungry when I fast. I grabbed a pastry and scarfed it down.

Last night was my tracking night and I knew I was going to need to eat during it or I would never make it all the way through. So, my partner and I stopped at a grocery store and picked up some food. I was able to make it.

When I got home, I ate and ate and ate. Then later last night, I went to Beto's again with some friends. I thought that maybe it was just a yesterday thing. Nope. This morning I was at it again. I've had a couple Oatmeal Creme Pies and a humongous muffin this morning. I'm feeling good right now, but that's because I finished the muffin about 15 minutes ago. I have a box of rapidly depleting Oatmeal Creme Pies stashed in my desk and I'm concerned they may not survive the day.

Where is this food going and why do I need to eat so dang much? It'd be one thing if I would get a little hungry, but I get crazy hungry. Insanely hungry.

I did a quick Google search on tapeworms and have decided that it is extremely unlikely that I have a tapeworm. So, what are my other options? Am I pregnant? Also highly unlikely. Maybe I was abducted by an alien and have a little alien feeding inside me like that one movie. I have fallen deeply asleep after work a couple times recently...I think this is the most feasible option.

All I know is that it sure feels like I'm eating for two right now. What's for lunch?


david o smith said...

Jason, it is definitely an alien.

Brian Was Here said...

You're just experiencing the post-workout metabolism. When I get my regular exercise in, I eat like 4,000 calories a day. But when I don't, it drops to like 2,400. I get hungry all the time when I work out.