Friday, December 5, 2008

Me likey...

I was sitting in church last week and there was a musical number to be performed during the meeting. Usually I look forward to musical numbers because I get really bored when I listen to the speakers sometimes - on a related note, I think we need to integrate more congregation participation during our meetings. Some more AMEN's or HALLELUJAH's when you agree with what the speaker said, or maybe if you are falling asleep, or even if you just want to feel righteous.

Anyhow, as the musical number started, I realized it was going to be a special one. I listened with rapt attention as the singer performed. It was easily the worst musical number I have ever heard and believe me, I've heard a lot - I've been Mormon for a very long time. It reminded me of American Idol tryouts when the people just plain suck but think they're the next big thing. I could not stop paying attention. I was engrossed by the sheer awfulness of it all.

I'm not the world's best singer by anyone's definition. I'm not the worst either, but I think I'm much closer to the worst than I am to the best. I have no business singing in Sacrament meeting (or any other meeting for that matter), but it actually happened once. As a missionary, I once lost a bet and had to sing a solo in a Sacrament meeting. Fortunately for me, and the branch, it was a Deaf congregation and 95% of the people there could not hear me at all. There were a handful of hearing people there though and I hope by now they've been able to recover from what surely was a traumatic experience.

Maybe the guy singing on Sunday lost a bet, but I doubt it. The point of this blog isn't singing in church, however. The singing last week got me thinking, though, of how much I appreciated that experience. It got me thinking of other things I appreciate and why I appreciate them. Here's a brief run-down of some of those things.

- American Idol/So You Think You Can Dance/America's Got Talent/Etc.
I love these kind of shows. I don't usually watch when the real competition starts, but I love tuning in at the beginning, for the reason mentioned previously. I love watching people make complete fools of themselves on national TV. Do some of these people actually think they have talent? Hasn't someone, sometime told them that they aren't that good? What kind of friend allows their friend to make him or herself look like an idiot in front of the nation? Maybe they didn't want to hurt their friend's feelings but believe me, the producers of these talent shows are very good at making you look stupid. And the rest of us enjoy it when they do.

These are probably the best shows, ever. People doing fool things, getting beat up by machinery or obstacles. There's something about watching someone bounce around like a pinball that gets me rolling everytime. If you have to sign an injury waiver before you can be on the show, it might be a good idea to watch safely, from me.

Wow! I've recently been turned on to this little piece of equipment and it's simply amazing. I can record shows that I miss for whatever reason and waste even more time doing nothing productive. There's nothing on TV? That's okay, I'll just check my list of recorded shows and numb my brain for an hour or so. Perfect. Thank you, thank you, thank you DVR!

- Idiot Drivers
I love you guys. Especially when you get behind me. I love few things more than slowing down for tailgaters. The closer you get, the slower I go. Sometimes I'll drive the same speed as a car in the next lane so you can't get over. Then a little tappy-tap on the brakes to test your reaction time. My car is paid for and I would love nothing more than someone to wreck it so I can buy a truck. If there was a list of places I could think of where somebody might give me that chance, Utah would be near the top of the list. C'mon idiots, don't fail me now!

- Free Wireless Internet
I'm not talking about at internet cafes or Starbucks or anything, rather I'm talking about my neighbors who don't know how to secure their wireless networks. For two weeks, before I could get internet set up at my new place, I stole their bandwidth. Thank you for not taking the time to figure out how to encrypt your connection and for providing me with the access I needed for a short time. In their defense, I had to call two separate tech support places to get mine all secured. It was a pain.

- Cell Phones
I love this little leash. I can be contacted anywhere, anytime by anyone. I can send and receive text messages, it's a handy tool to keep me in touch with people. The jury's also out on whether or not it can cause cancer. Wonderful. When the phone is not next to my ear, it's in my pocket next to crap.

There's a lot of things I have a healthy appreciation for and this list is just a small representation of those things. Oh! I forgot Cheddarwursts. That'll have to wait though. There's so much about Cheddarwursts that I appreciate that it'll have to have it's own post. Another day.


Ryan Booher said...

Still laughing...!

BeatlesDiva said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that thinks this way. When I first moved here I asked my friend "So why do all Utah Mormons think they can sing?"

cougartex said...

The best is the comment on cell phones. I will refrain from further comment, though.

micah e. said...

Kinda unrelated to your post: I watched American Idol for one season a few years ago, and I remember somehow evolving into a Simon like character when I'd listen to performances in church. I'd turn to my neighbors and say things like, "Kinda pitchy, eh?"